Nerd Mentality

A Few Quick Game Impressions

Posted April 25th 2009 by Shawn McMahon.

These are some impressions and thoughts on a few games that I either didn't play long enough to write a review about, or simply don't have enough to say.

Godfather II - I loved the first game but I can't get into this one in the same way. It's ok, but it feels shallow and a lot more repetitive. Taking over businesses just isn't as fun as it used to be. It could be because this one feels a lot more simplified. Taking over a business is now just an exercise in boring gunplay and stupid AI.

Speaking of stupid AI, half of the time I have no idea why I even bother taking crew members with me on missions. While occasionally helpful, they spend most of their time running into walls, staring at bad guys who are gunning me down two feet in front of them, or struggling to understand the concept of opening a door. Countless times now I've asked one of them to do something, but there is a door in the way so they just come to a dead halt. They won't move on until you go over and physically open the door for them. Maybe it's their way of teaching you manners but there's a time and a place guys!

It's not a bad game but it's certainly a step down from the first one. NEXT!

Wheelman - I've never played a game that was so determined for me to hate it. Anytime I started to have some fun with it, the game made sure to put a stop to that right away.

The driving missions can be fun, but if you have one involving driving a large vehicle, you might as well just shut the game off right away. These missions are so frustrating I think I was almost in tears by the end of one of them. You drive slow, you can barely turn, and if you run into an obstacle you have to spend a minute backing up and trying to drive around it. Meanwhile 4 or 5 vehicles are constantly pummeling your vehicle with bullets. God damn you Vin Diesel.

The on-foot missions are terrible. Common sense will tell you that the best guy to auto-aim at is the one right next to you, unloading clip after clip of machine gun ammo into your face. Vin Diesel doesn't buy that shit for a second. He auto-aims at the guy 100 yards away with his back turned to you. Because you gotta watch out for that guy.

I haven't played the new Riddick game yet but hopefully Vin used it to make up for this one.

Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust - SHUT UP!! SHUT THE FUCK UP! STOP TALKING FOR 5 SECONDS! WHY?! WHY ARE YOU STILL SAYING THINGS?! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

That is the experience of playing Leisure Suit Larry, a game I rented for free before I read any reviews. It's just as bad as you've heard. It features hands-down some of the worst gameplay I've ever come across. It's nothing but pointless fetch quests or poorly controlled mini-games. The controls are so terrible they can't be described in written words. You would have a better chance moving a planet with your mind then getting Larry to turn left with a controller.

The script is painfully unfunny. I have no idea how they got so many name actors to spout this shit. There aren't even jokes, just people saying dirty words. I assumed the script was written by drunk 8-year-olds with a stack of Hustlers, but it was actually written by Adam Sandler's buddy Allen Covert, who co-wrote the surprisingly watchable Grandma's Boy. If he had 7 minutes to write the whole script then I understand. Otherwise we better take his hands away to ensure this never, ever happens again.

The worst part is that the game is apparently 12-15 hours long, but I'll never come close to beating it because I don't hate myself enough. Even at the discount price, stay far away.

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