Nerd Mentality

Best of 2006 Countdown!

Posted April 2nd 2007 by J Edison Thomas.

The last year is over! And what better way to cap off a year and start fresh than by looking backward and obsessing over the past rather than looking forward. In that spirit, I've undertaken the gigantic task of reviewing every single game released in 2006 for any system, everywhere. Reviews will be around 1-2 sentences to make sure I get them all done before 2008, the 3 month delay was to make sure nothing was missed. That makes this the only 2006 wrap-up article you'll ever have to read, so I hope you didn't read like 40 in the frenzied excitement of not attending any New Years parties.

Brain Age (DS)

It had its moments but overall it just made me feel stupid, not because it gave me a low score but because I spent $20 on competitive arithmetic.

Chibi-Robo (GCN)

Like Banjo-Kazooie (N64) mixed with Toy Story 2 (N64). Okay!

Gears of War (360)

I like the parts with the CHAIN SAWS.

Guitar Hero (PS2)

I should have taken the $300 I spent on guitar lessons and bought a PS2 and this game instead. (this is not a joke that i'm making this is me being real)

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (GCN/Wii)

GOTY. Game of the YAWN. But everyone loves Zelda.

Madden 07 (Xbox360)

NOT VERY INNOVATIVE. Nice try, Xbox, maybe next time don't use an ancient controller from the Stone Age.

NEW Super Mario Bros. (DS)

Mario Sunshine taught us that if it's Mario and there's no flight and it's not 1986 it sucks. Among probably seven other DS games that were stolen out of my car in 2006 that I never mourned.

Resident Evil 4 (GCN)

This didn't come out in 2006 but as a Nintendo fansite I think it's supposed to be included in all our lists. Wins two consecutive perfect scores for each year running.

Sonic the Hedgehog (360)

Reading of this game's ground-breaking shittiness was more entertaining than any Sonic game I've played in the past five years. I really like the direction they're taking the series.

Spartan: Total Warrior (GCN)

So great I felt bad that I never wrote an MIA File for it. I still might. Kind of God of War Lite but entirely different.

Super Princess Peach (DS)

Actually pretty good for an unabashed PMS simulator. I never solved the mystery of the talking umbrella because Jasper deleted my file and I didn't care enough to play it again.

Wii Sports (Wii)

Murder Simulator of the Year. Also earns bonus points for breaking people's TVs, especially if it was an HDTV that didn't work with the game anyway.

OTHER AWARDS

Best Console: Wii, for breaking from the norm and truly realizing the future of gaming with 40 ports of childrens' licensed games, football, and WW2 1st person shooting.

Best Game No One Played: I was going to say Elite Beat Agents but according to IGN.com it's GTR2. I guess I was wrong.

Best Game to Talk About Instead of Play: I've found that no matter what year it is it's always Zelda, even if there's no Zelda out that year. N-Philes even added a new forum so more people could talk about it instead of playing the game.

Biggest Waste of Time Ever, Nobody's Impressed: Surprise, it's the PS3! I guess at the time it made sense for Sony to wait until a year after the 360 was released to launch a $600 Special Edition Black Xbox360 that comes equipped without Live or interesting games and that also plays movies in a format nobody wants to own.

Best Joke of 2006 That Will Never Get Old: Tie between Wii puns and MASSIVE DAMAGE.

Runner-up: Rogue's alcohol-induced barfing at a swanky E3 party, which started with a small spit up on the carpet somewhere and eventually snowballed into Rogue projectile vomiting on a high-ranking industry player who was very likely not at the event at all.

Best Zune Killer: iPod Nano.

Most Scathing N-Philes Review of a Game The Probably Deserved It: Tie between Konductra and Strawberry Shortcake: Strawberryland Games, which both nearly got us in trouble with less-than-amused publishers.

Runners up: Alex Rider: Stormbreaker, Midway Arcade Treasures 3, and SpongeBob SquarePants: Creature from the Krusty Krab

Well that's it, 2006 just as you remembered it! What a year for games, and for gaming enthusiasts who are either paid to write about them on the internet or not paid to write about them on the forums of the very same internet. God willing, 2007 will bring us even more giant enemy crabs to reference every 4 minutes and greater graphical nightmares on Wii to fuel internet argument on our precious forums. See you then!

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