Nerd Mentality

Perky Slamsalot and the crashed Wii game

Posted May 12th 2006 by Adrian DeHerrera.

Once again the Lady of E3 drapes her midnight-colored robe over the Convention Center, our three days having been filled with Wii and Live and Sony's pure soul-killing evil, and we all begin our journeys home. Personally I've had more than my fill of videogames for the year, and many of us joke that after E3 we're all videogamed out.

At this point I think we're all ready to make our treks back home, except for Rogue who wanted to stay out all last night in downtown Hollywood even though the only things that were open past midnight was a tattoo shop and Burger King. We let him know he could run around the city streets by himself drunk on Whoppers and tattoo ink if he wanted but Rogue's parents would be pissed if he died on vacation so we were kind enough to drag him back to the hotel (you party animal, you).

After getting about four hours of sleep, I woke back up again in order to get to the Nintendo booth early and was escorted along with the N-Philes crew to the Wii section of the booth. There I got to play a few games, one of which was Project H.A.M.M.E.R. Now, I know it's hard to force people to get interested in videogames sometimes, but Nintendo, can't you at least hire girls who can at least pretend to be interested in them? Here's another E3 snippet of conversation I had with my lovely booth babe at Project H.A.M.M.E.R.

"Ok, so you sort of just pull back and slam forward to use the hammer right?"

"Yes, that's right and you don't even need to push any buttons or anything."

"Great, so when can we expect this game to be released?"

"Um... probably soon. I don't know."

"Do you know what kind of upgrades or weapons might be available or are in this version?"

"Er.. probably hammers I'm guessing."

And then she let out a big yawn and yanked up her buttcrack-showing pants.

Now, I don't expect booth babes to be knowledgeable about every technical aspect and design and have full access to all kinds of insider gossipy Nintendo goodness, but some basic knowledge about the product with the ability to go more than 10 minutes without showing your disdain for anyone who isn't a talent scout would probably be great.

Then, suddenly the game froze.

It wasn't like a big blue screen or anything but Perky Slamsalot (my nickname for her since she seemed to take a weird enjoyment from slamming the wiimote up and down) explained that it was because the super-bright lights above us were affecting the remote sensors and that it had only happened about four times since the first day of E3. Then she blamed the whole thing on me, accusing me of pointing the controller directly at the lights above.

What nerve these booth babes have, accusing me of all sort of things: You pointed the remote at the light, you tried to steal that Wii out of its protective casing, you pushed me down the stairs and called me a hussy, what are you doing back here in the VIP room and why are your pockets filled with all our catered food? – accusations I didn't have any time at all to answer because I'm a very busy person.

Anyway, the game was superb and I can't wait to actually play the finished version. I stayed and watched some people playing the new Mario title and what a sweet sight that is. You just can't ignore how much fun this title is looking to be and how wonderfully the remote complements the style of gameplay. Although graphically the game looks like an upgraded Mario Sunshine, it's obvious that this title should be everything people were expecting in the previous installment, and more.

Well the media room will be closing in a few minutes. I'll update more later in the day with more pictures and if I can, upload some movies of Darthkorn winning a t-shirt through simple screaming and Gogita eating stuff that could peel the paint off a car.

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